Why are we feeling so stuck?
As much as I love writing, lately, it’s felt harder than it used to. My creativity hasn’t been flowing as freely, and I often find myself more intimidated than inspired when sitting across a blank page. I’ve let distractions and self-doubt get the best of me. And while my client work has slowed a little, to be honest, I haven’t had much energy or desire to pitch new prospects.
It’s been four years since I started freelancing, and though I’ve had my share of ups and downs, I’ve never felt this stuck. I keep wondering, where do I go from here?
When I talk to friends, it sounds like many of them are in the same boat. They’re not all freelancers or entrepreneurs—some work corporate jobs or are at home with their kids. Our circumstances are different, but we all can relate to feeling the same way. Like we’re not progressing or doing anything meaningful. We’re all questioning our life choices and expressing the same fears about not living up to our potential.
I’m not sure what it is about this age, but as women in our mid-30s, I’ve noticed we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to have it all figured out by now. Many of us choose a particular path, chasing what we’re “supposed” to do and putting our energy into something we don’t love, and we end up losing a bit of ourselves along the way.
I know when I started freelancing, I was so afraid to mess it up and have to go back to a 9-5 that I absorbed all the information I could find on how to be successful. I took advice from other freelancers, online resources I came across, and yes, even the #girlboss posts that were popping up all over Instagram. While some of it was helpful, a lot of the advice I followed (“You need an Instagram presence!” “You should be going after X client!”) I did because I thought I had to.
I recently saw an old clip of Oprah on the Daily Show where she talked about how successful people get to where they want to go. I think what she said offers some insight into why so many of us get to a place of feeling stuck. In the interview, she says:
“Most people are driven by what they think they should do, what other people have said they should do and what they’ve carried in their mind for a long time they should do. But the most important question you can ask yourself is: What do I really want? Once you can establish for yourself what the answer to that is, have everything you do, every choice you make, move you in the direction of what you say your vision is. The reason why most people have chaotic lives is because they live in chaos in their head. As soon as you get clear, it clears up.”
My husband is one of those successful people who got to where they wanted to go. I’ve always envied how he’s been able to stay the course and stay true to himself as he navigated his career. He’s one of the few people I know who rarely feels stuck, and I think it comes down to him knowing what he wants and doing it.
When someone at work asked him recently where he saw himself going next, he replied, “This is it.” It took him years, but he’s in his dream job now because of the choices he made. There were some alternate paths he could’ve taken, money and fancy job titles he could’ve been swayed by. Instead, he consistently chose what felt right, what made him happy, and deep down, what he knew he wanted.
I recognize not everyone knows what they want (I’m still unsure.) And sometimes, the answer changes. Right now, all I know is I’m tired of living with the chaos in my head. Even though I don’t know exactly what I want, I’m going to at least attempt to find out and use this time to experiment. That means focusing less on the companies/brands I think I should be pitching and asking myself, what do I want to write about? This is what led me to Substack and what you’re reading now.
Some of my favourite writers and content creators are on Substack, and it’s what I enjoy reading the most these days. I’ve always wanted to create a newsletter that wasn’t based on giving ‘writing’ advice—a space that felt less edited and free of algorithms where I could share the things I love and what’s on my mind with a community. It’s something I hadn’t had the courage to do before, and I’m realizing maybe this is what getting stuck is all about: to help nudge us forward in the right direction, one that allows us to be truer to ourselves.
If you’re feeling stuck right now, have you had a chance to ask yourself, “What do I want?”
Some recommendations:
Feeling Stuck, the Mid-Life Crisis, and How to Move Through It - A great listen from
that dives deeper into why we feel stuck and what we can do about it. My takeaway: “Stuckness is simply a state of non-movement,” and the way through it isn’t some big action we need to take but to “introduce movement in a tangible, accessible and easy way.”Why Affirmations Feel Fake—and What to Try Instead - When you feel stuck, saying/writing affirmations may not feel authentic, but this idea of “iffirmations” made a lot more sense to me. From the article: “If you’re telling yourself something you don’t really believe, affirmations end up becoming a manifestation of toxic positivity.”
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Thanks for sharing, Maria!