Playdates
When your kids are more social than you.
Last weekend, I was juggling back-to-back playdates. Actually, now that I think of it, almost every weekend since school started—and some weeknights—has involved chaperoning my kids on playdates.
Not the kind you set up with your closest friends as an excuse to catch up and gossip while your kids play (or fight) with each other. These are the playdates your kids choose for you. They get to decide who you hang out with based on who they want to hang out with. No one ever warned me that when my kids started making friends at school, their social life would take over my own.
Almost every day at pick-up, my son and his friends corner me with the same question. “Can we have a playdate? Can we have a playdate?” they plead. My instinct is to say “no” so I can avoid small talk with the other parents and just go home to squeeze in more work or a quick workout before I have to start dinner.
But I’ve learned that the flipside of turning down playdates is that the other kids will have them anyway, and I end up responsible for making my kid feel left out. The mom guilt kicks in hard. So, most of the time, I do what I can to make these playdates happen—if not after school (because of swim, ballet, hockey, etc.), then on weekends.
If you have school-aged kids, you basically have a new social life forced upon you. You’re constantly coordinating playdates with other parents from school. A lot of times with younger kids, you’re going on these playdates (it’s not just a drop-off situation), and they usually feel like awkward first dates in the beginning.
You don’t know much about the other parents, other than their kids play with your kids, so it’s a lot of small talk until you can find something you have in common. If you’re an introvert, like me, these kinds of social interactions make you feel like you have to be “on,” and it can be tiring.
You’re constantly trying to think of questions in your head to keep the conversation going. Where are you from? Have you lived here long? What else are you up to this weekend? It’s a lot of getting to know each other without getting too personal and secretly hoping your kid interrupts and needs you for something.
To be honest, I sometimes resent how much of my free time is spent like this. I complain about having a calendar full of playdates for my kids when I can barely find time to see my own friends. But, by now, I’ve been through my share of awkward first (play)dates that I can also see and appreciate the positives.
I love that my kids get to be social with their friends outside of school. I can see how important it is to them, and it’s important to me, too, that they’re learning how to create stronger relationships and how to be a good friend.
I’m often surprised by the connections I make with other parents, some of whom I probably would’ve never talked to had it not been for our kids. One mom and I connected over going to the same university. Another mom and I bonded over our shared grievances for the way our husbands go off-script when grocery shopping. I learned that our daughter’s friend’s dad is best friends with one of our favourite musicians, Bahamas (if you’re unfamiliar, I recommend listening to ‘Lost in the Light’.)
When you can go a little deeper in your conversations beyond what’s happening at school, you sometimes learn you have more in common with the other parents than you thought, and it’s nice when you can enjoy talking to each other.
One thing I also try to remember: it won’t be like this forever. This time in our lives when our schedules are ruled by playdates is temporary. Soon, my kids will be old enough to not need me to stick around (my son is already there) and will want to do their own thing with their friends.
Love this! I had this same situation last year when my daughter started Montessori but now I’m tight with a few of the Moms and it was such a great way to create a little Mom group to do other things with. We started a book club and have been planning weekend trips with the other families now. I'm so grateful to have super social kids! :)